it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
