Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
