Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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