I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
