My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
