how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Fuck appropriateness.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
