Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
