i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
