I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
