1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
