eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
