Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dicks are not precious.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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