If that was your dad, he is hot
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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