At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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