Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
