Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
