Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
