The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
