just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
