I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
