Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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