Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
did i just pee glitter
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
