So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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