The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
