He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
