I will die if light touches me.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
