In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
