Already got asked if we're dating
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
