Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
