Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
