a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
