with your own penis?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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