so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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