Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
