he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
