Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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