Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
