It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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