My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
