Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
