i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
