3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the condom got lost in my hair
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
