im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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