you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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