I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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