Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
How external is "for external use only"?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
