All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
third nipple confirmed
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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