if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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