im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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