he shaved USA in his pubs
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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