My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
