please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
