i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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