Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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