ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
