I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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