I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
