I've blown a few things in my day
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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