I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
