I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
